Tuesday, August 21, 2007
G is for Growing Older
Please note I did not say "growing old." I have accepted growing older quite nicely -- the number doesn't bother me at all. What I don't like are the unexplained changes in my body shape, the way my system handles what used to be normal occurrences. Sometimes it's as if aliens have invaded this body. I don't recognize it at all. There seems to be a time when the recognition of age clicks. I remember being in my late 30s, maybe 38 or so, and all of a sudden I became aware that men weren't looking at me, they were looking at my daughter. It was one of those moments that I really realized I was getting older. The awareness now is one of realizing that I can't get everything done. I've always operated with the idea that I can do anything and knew few limits -- not that I actually DID everything, but I felt like I could. I'm more aware of limitations. On the other hand, I am a lot freer to say or do or think what I want than I've been in the past. It's a liberty I'm giving myself. It's kind of odd to think it doesn't matter.
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I heard myself commenting the other night that "Life is short. Or, life is long. I can't seem to decide which. Sometimes it seems short and at times, it seems sooo long." What I have determined is, life is a process. As is growing older.
I have been noticing for a long time that men don't notice me as they used to. Sadly, that is a very obvious reminder that I'm getting older. They are not looking at my daughter as she is only 1. There are days that men do notice me and it happens to be on a particular day that I don't feel that attractive but somehow it boosts my confidence just a little. It is all a reminder than outward appearances are such a poor measure of who we are yet we (I) still depend on them to a certain extent.
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