Listening for a Voice

I knew I was going to feel better today when I woke up and wanted a cup of coffee. I haven't had coffee all week. I've been dealing with congestion, lethargy, loss of voice, achy body parts and all over general blahs. To actually feel like making a pot of coffee was a sign that this was going to be a good day. It's Super Bowl Sunday and the pre-game show has been on television since 5 a.m. Yes, 5 a.m. Not that I know this because I'm watching but I DID see it advertised. I'm tempted to turn it on just to see what they say this far ahead of the game. I like to glean a few facts and tidbits that I can toss out in meaningful conversation.

Although the weather here has actually been pretty good lately, the fact that my driveway is still ice and I haven't felt good has made me think at least twice before I would want to go someplace. I finally dragged myself out yesterday to get some medicine. I'm tired of being cold. Tired of hearing snow reports on television and radio. Tired of hearing other people's war stories about being snowed it. I spent time yesterday fantasizing about Sarasota, Florida. The only reason that place came up is that the Today show had a realtor talking about how much house you can get for your money there. I love to dream on realtor.com.

All of what is going on right now makes me think about where I really want to be in a few years. How do I want my life to play out. I am experiencing a sort of stagnation that I want to move past. I'm not going to say I have failed, I don't believe that. I have many great experiences because of my current choices. But I feel it's time for a deep self-assessment. Not the easiest thing to do. I need to listen with my heart, to my heart.

. . . and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do--
determined to save
the only life you could save
. . . . Mary Oliver