Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Imagined Superiority

This is a spill your guts post, so if you're looking for something cheery and homey, you'd do well to move on. Have I mentioned that transitioning from a full-time job to a more relaxed life is difficult? Besides dealing with the how do I spend my time, make the most of my day, and not really knowing how to relax issues, the ego comes into play. An ego that I didn't even know I had. An ego that is reluctant to disappear.

When anyone has done a job for fifteen years, in all likelihood, I figure they have refined and simplified it to the point where it appears easy to others. I feel like that's where I am. This is where my ego entered. In announcing that I would continue to work part-time for two more years, the next step became training someone, passing the job on, releasing it, etc. And that's harder than I want it to be. It's hard because I find myself in a place of imagined superiority. Thinking one person or another wouldn't be right for the job. Thinking I know what's right. Saying that out loud makes me feel small, but at the same time, I think it makes it easier to release. And that's my goal today. To release. To think about something else. Maybe not even think at all.