Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Imagined Superiority

This is a spill your guts post, so if you're looking for something cheery and homey, you'd do well to move on. Have I mentioned that transitioning from a full-time job to a more relaxed life is difficult? Besides dealing with the how do I spend my time, make the most of my day, and not really knowing how to relax issues, the ego comes into play. An ego that I didn't even know I had. An ego that is reluctant to disappear.

When anyone has done a job for fifteen years, in all likelihood, I figure they have refined and simplified it to the point where it appears easy to others. I feel like that's where I am. This is where my ego entered. In announcing that I would continue to work part-time for two more years, the next step became training someone, passing the job on, releasing it, etc. And that's harder than I want it to be. It's hard because I find myself in a place of imagined superiority. Thinking one person or another wouldn't be right for the job. Thinking I know what's right. Saying that out loud makes me feel small, but at the same time, I think it makes it easier to release. And that's my goal today. To release. To think about something else. Maybe not even think at all.

12 comments:

Lorraine Douglas said...

That is a really interesting post about change.

I think we often have to make some of the most and biggest changes in our lives when we get older and we do not have the same kind of resilience for change as we once had. It gets harder and I think that is why people as they age hang on to little things as their constants.

Good luck letting go!

Anonymous said...

If it is any help, there is a family of 5 in Pittsburgh that loves having you near and probably doesn't let you know that often enough. In 20 years will you be more satisfied with another perfect convention under your belt or being truly integrated into Sam, Henry and Lucy's lives - and ours? There is no "imagined superiority" to your role as Yaya -only true superiority. Much love...chad.

Connie said...

Thank you both for the comments. Lorraine, yours made me think. Chad, yours choked me up.

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Shannon said...

I just love your honesty, honest-ly! Its refreshing to hear of your struggles b/c Ive always thought that you didnt really have any!! I guess we all do. You give others permission to be so honest about themselves, so thank you!

Cindy said...

I've been in your shoes. I was able to release because I moved away from that location. It will be more of a challenge to release and stay in place, but you can do it! It just might take a bit of time.

Jennifer said...

I think it makes more sense to let someone else choose your replacement and then you do the training. Others will see certain traits you brought to the job that they want to retain or not and if we choose our replacement, we tend to want a clone. You say the "culture" of your office is changing so even more reason to let those staying behind choose. The only experience I have ever had closely resembling this one, is thinking about guardianship for my children should Larry and I both die. Simply could not come up with a suitable "replacement" and it was left undone. Thankfully it was not required.

Kathleen Botsford said...

Love your honesty. That letting go gets me every time! It is for sure one of my deepest lessons. Sigh.

Sara said...

I just now had time to visit your blog and read about the changes you are experiencing. All I can say is that I completely understand and then some!

Thank you for sharing such a personal insight.

Connie said...

Thanks everyone for the encouragement and for stopping by. It's nice to know you're out there, even when I'm venting:) Things are definitely looking better these days.

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